Never Have I Felt This
by Wolflover235
Summary: "Guys! Wait! No! We have to go back! Eddie's still in there!" Richie shouted the whole time the other Losers dragged him out of the collapsing caves. ...A different take on Eddie's death. RichieXEddie. Rated M just to be safe.


_**A/N: Well... I spent 5 hours straight writing this...**_

_**My first Reddie fic**_

_**Hope you enjoy it just as much as I enjoyed writing it.**_

* * *

_**Richie's POV**_

* * *

"_Beep beep, __**motherfucker!**_"

Richie could vaguely hear Eddie's voice from a distance, but still had no control over his body.

Suddenly, a spear hit the clown straight in the mouth, and gravity returned, sending Richie falling onto a pile of rubble.

His body still felt paralyzed, and tired.

"Rich! Hey, Rich. Wake up!"

That voice returned, slowly pulling him out of his hazy state.

"There he is!" Eddie was smiling triumphantly above him, "Hey. Richie, I think I got him. I think I killed It, I think I killed It for-"

Eddie's speech was cut off when a sharp limb impaled into his back, and went all the way through until it was sticking out of his chest.

Any possible dizziness or drowsiness Richie felt was forgotten at that moment.

Which he hoped it hadn't. He hoped he wasn't seeing what he knows he's seeing.

Eddie calmly looked down at the injury.

Richie had to admit, for someone he'd known his entire life, who'd gone through a shit ton of stuff at a young age. He wouldn't think Eddie would be so calm around the situations now.

"Richie..." Eddie mumbled out his name.

Richie almost attempted to reach out to him, to attempt to dislodge the weapon from his best friend's chest.

He was too late.

Eddie was lifted in midair by the clowns' sharp tentacle, It seemed to play around with him for a few seconds, before tossing him aside, about a foot away, his body hit the ground a couple times before rolling into one of the sheltered rocks.

Richie forced himself to his feet, staggering a few times, before making a run for the location Eddie had landed on.

He managed to block a couple of the clowns' strikes, before he and the other Losers managed to finally reach Eddie. Safe from Pennywise.

For the time being.

"Eddie!" Richie reached him first, attempting to help him get into a sitting position.

He tried not to focus too much on the injury, only on Eddie's face, that was turning paler and paler by the minute.

"H-how bad 's it." Eddie managed, coughing up more of the blood that was oozing out of his mouth.

Richie glanced down at the injury for a split second, before standing to take off his jacket, pressing it against his chest.

"It's fine. You're gonna be fine." Richie lied, mostly to convince himself.

They both knew it wasn't true though.

"Hey, Richie. I gotta tell you something." Eddie mumbled, clearly showing signs of falling unconscious.

"What's up buddy?" Richie answered.

Maybe if they kept talking, he could keep Eddie awake.

Eddie stayed quiet for a couple seconds, and for those moments of silence, Richie thought he had actually gone unconscious.

"I fucked your mom." He managed quietly.

Richie almost wanted to laugh, despite the situation.

Eddie seemed to be better at trying to lighten the mood than he was.

The clowns' assaults on the rocks they were hiding beneath seemed to grow closer and closer, the only thing breaking Richie from his focus, and quite possibly, his own comeback.

"We gotta finish this. Richie! Come on!" Mike called as they were crawling through a small space of rock, attempting to get around the clowns' digging.

Like fuck he was going to leave him.

Then again, revenge did sound like a pretty good idea.

Richie carefully moved Eddie more behind a rock, where Pennywise wouldn't be able to see nor reach him.

"I'll be back buddy. Then we can get the fuck outta dodge." Richie said, before forcing himself to turn around and follow after the others.

They had taken Eddie's short advice, in which Richie hadn't paid the least bit attention to.

But when he got the idea that they were making Pennywise turn into whatever they were calling him, he joined in too.

There were _so _many things Richie wanted to call It right now, and _'clown' _definitely wasn't one of them.

It seemed to go on forever, before It started shrinking down as less than a clown.

It was now almost small enough they could step on It. Which didn't seem like a bad idea.

Mike reached down, digging his hand into Its chest, before pulling out a small heart.

For a monster, Richie didn't even think It had one of those.

Together, they squeezed the small beating object, until it dissipated, soon after, with the clowns' body.

At this point, they'd expect to do a victory speech, but that was the least of Richie's worries.

He hadn't forgotten him for a second.

"Eddie. Guys, Eddie!" Richie reminded them, before they returned to the cave he was at.

"Eddie! Hey. Eddie, wake up. We killed It, It's over." Richie said happily, expecting to see a smile form on Eddie's face as well.

He remained motionless.

"Eddie?" He reached to touch his cheek, which was cold as ice.

The ground shook violently beneath them, but once again, Richie was numb to the spot.

"Guys. We have to get out of here. Richie!" Beverly tried to call to him.

"No. Not without Eddie." Richie snapped at them.

"Rich. He's gone." Beverly said, trying to hold back tears herself.

"No. He-He's just sleeping, we gotta get him out of here." Richie continues to plead.

His pleas went ignored, however, and he was forced onto his feet as they practically dragged him out of the caves, struggling the entire time.

"Guys! Wait! No! We have to go back! Eddie's still in there!" Richie continued.

They didn't let him go until they were safely out of the neibolt house, which a part of Richie was still tempted to jump into the sinkhole, tempted to get to him.

"Eddie!"

"_Richie!" _

_..._What?

He could have sworn he just heard the voice of the very person he was calling out for.

_"Richie! Wake up! You need to wake up now!" _Now Beverly's voice sounded.

Wake up? He was awake!

_"Come on, wake up before you hurt yourself!" _Ben's voice came next.

He felt his body shaking and the images before him became blurry, before going completely dark.

Next thing he knew, his eyes were flying open again, taking in the longest inhale of breath he'd ever seemed to have held.

A couple pairs of arms went around him as he forced himself into a sitting position, his mind still hazy and focused on Eddie being stuck in the collapsing house.

"Woah. Richie, calm down. You're fine. It was just a dream." He was soon consumed with in hugs.

"It wasn't a dream! Eddie's still-"

"I'm right here, Richie." That familiar voice sounded.

Richie pulled away from the embraces, focusing on the form that stood behind them, a look of mixed emotions on his face.

Confusion, shock, sadness.

"E-Eddie? Is that... Is that really you?" Richie managed, his heart nearly leaping with joy, but also prepared for if he was just hallucinating.

"Um, yeah?" Eddie said, still confused, "Why were you calling out my name?"

Richie didn't answer.

He forced himself out of the groups' embrace, closing the distance between him and Eddie, before pulling into a literal bear hug.

Eddie grunted in surprise, tensing at the sudden move.

Richie losened his hold on him, only a little, only to wrap his arms closer around him.

Eddie awkwardly put his arms around him, patting his back a couple times, "Um. Richie. Kinda suffocating here."

"Sorry." He pulled away, trying to hold back the tears and sadness in his voice.

"Um, what was that about?" Eddie asked, smiling, but still confused.

Richie ignored him for a second, turning to the other four.

"Wait. What happened? It... Is It gone?" Richie asked.

Mike smiled warmly, "It's gone."

Richie nodded slowly, 'Then... What-"

"When Eddie saved you from It's Deadlights, you hit your head, and... went unconscious. We tried to wake you up, but..." Beverly trailed off.

"We managed to get you to safety before we carried out taking down It." Mike finished.

Richie stared at them for a second, trying to take in the information.

This had to be a dream...

"So... What was it with you calling my name?" Eddie spoke up behind him.

Richie turned back to him.

From here on out, he was _never _going to get tired of looking at that annoyed, awkward, beau-

He shook his head, "Uh, nothing."

He preferred to forget all about this dream as soon as possible.

He took a deep breath, and pulled Eddie into his arms again.

He didn't think he'd be able to let go.

This time, the hug was more gentle, so Eddie didn't really complain, he just gave in and offered the comfort his best friend apparently needed.

* * *

"And after that, you guys woke me up." Richie trailed off.

He and the rest of the Losers were sitting around in the lounge room, each with a large glass of alcohol. Richie seeming to drink more than any of the others.

They stared at him in awe, and silence for the longest time.

Eddie had been staring at him, but soon avoided his gaze.

"Oh Richie. I'm so sorry.." Beverly said first, reaching out with a comforting hand.

Richie sighed, taking off his glasses.

Who needed them anyway?

"So..." He said, trying his best to cover up the emotion in his voice, "What actually happened... After I passed out?"

"Well. Eddie tried to wake you up, but when you weren't responding, he called us over and we managed to get you to shelter. Then we... Then we killed It. The place started coming down, but we got you out. We brought you back here, treated some of your wounds. You slept for about a day before you started talking in your sleep and lashing out. All you kept saying was Eddie's name. I guess now we know why." Ben explained.

Richie nodded, before looking at Eddie again, "Hey. Are you really okay?"

"Yeah. Last time I checked. I'm fine, and I'm here." He said softly.

Richie nodded.

"Now. Before you strangle me again, can you please go take a shower. You smell like shit." Eddie said.

Richie smiled, before setting his drink down, and standing up.

"And you _look _like shit." Richie retorted before retreating back upstairs.

"Oh. Thanks dude. Thank you so much for the compliment." Eddie called after him.

Richie chuckled to himself, before he was out of hearing range.

* * *

Richie didn't realize the injuries he had until he had looked himself in the mirror, not to mention the thick bump on the back of his head that hurt like hell when he touched it.

He was relieved nonetheless.

Relieved that these were his injuries and not Eddie's.

The dream... if it w_as _a dream... It brought old feelings to the surface. He had quite literally experienced a life without Eddie.

He never realized how much he missed him until he lost him.

Or... Thought he lost him.

Eddie had saved him, and almost cost him his life.

'_You're braver than you think.' _His own words came into his head.

Richie smiled, looking down at the sink, "Yeah, you sure are, Eds."

* * *

"Alright Eddie. Grab your stuff, we're going out." Richie came down the stairs, casually walking by the group as he spoke, heading for the door.

"What? Why?" Eddie asked, confused by the sudden demand.

"Yeah. You can't leave now!" Beverly spoke up, the rest of the group rising as well in protest and worry.

"Relax guys. I'm not leaving." Richie turned back to them, "Not yet. _You, _come on. We're going for a drive."

With that, he headed out the door.

It was silent for a few seconds.

"What... was that?" Ben asked, confused.

"I'm not sure." Eddie said, "But. I guess one way to find out. But if we get in a wreck, I'm going to kill him."

With that, Eddie also left the building, leaving the last four standing in awkward silence, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

* * *

"Um. Richie. Are you sure you should be driving? I mean... You _did _just wake up from-"

"Are you hungry?" Richie broke him off casually, as if he wasn't paying attention. Which he wasn't.

Eddie stared at him, brows lowered in utter confusion, "Uhhh, sure...?"

"Good. How 'bout... spaghetti?" Richie asked.

"Not funny, dude." Eddie glared at him, but not for long.

Richie smiled, "Alright. Burgers it is."

Eddie figured that it was useless to try and ask any questions, so he just focused on the road ahead of them, and where it would be taking them.

* * *

For most of the time, Eddie watched Richie eat.

The guy had been out for a day and a half, he didn't blame him.

Eddie wasn't too hungry, so he just took a couple of the fries from Richie's plate, which he didn't object to.

"So. Is this what you dragged me around for? To get lunch?" Eddie asked.

"Sure. Why not." Richie muffled out.

"Chew with your damn mouth shut. That's disgusting." Eddie rolled his eyes.

Richie smiled and finished up his food.

"Okay. Now what?" Eddie asked after they had paid and were back in the car.

"Just gotta do one more stop." Richie said, pulling out of the parking lot.

Eddie scoffed, rolling his eyes again.

He was beginning to get annoyed with Richie's vague behavior.

* * *

20 minutes of silence passed, and Eddie could suddenly see the sign in the distance indicating the outskirts of Derry.

"Uhh. Rich, I thought you said we weren't leaving." Eddie finally spoke up.

"We're not. Don't worry." Richie said.

"I'm beginning to wonder how hard you hit your head." Eddie sighed.

Richie smiled but didn't reply, as he soon slowed down and pulled over to the side of the road.

Eddie looked around, trying to figure out where and why they stopped.

"Richie, what are we doing?" he asked for what seemed to be the hundredeth time.

Once again, he was given no answer as Richie got out of the car.

Eddie scoffed. Okay, this had to stop. Whatever the hell was going on in this dude's mind he had to know, or he was gonna start knocking it out of him.

"Okay dude. What the hell. You wake up from a fucking _coma, _talk about some other universe you were in, then drag me out of the hotel with you, not saying a word, what the fuck is going o-" Eddie was broken off when he finally realized where they where.

The bridge.

The kissing bridge just on the outskirts of town.

Richie stood at the edge, looking down at it.

"Um. Rich, what are we doing here? ... You're not gonna jump are you?" Eddie asked, partially in humor but also worry.

"No Eds, I'm not gonna jump." Richie smiled.

"Okay, then what are-" Eddie finally closed the distance, and when he finally saw what Richie was focused on, he came to an abrupt halt.

There were many initials carved into this wood, all carved with two different initials.

His focus was set on one.

_**R +**_

Was that...-

"I came here, when we were still kids. It was after you broke your arm, and... We all split up. At the time, I knew it was stupid. Hell I still think it's stupid. I mean, 27 years and I never found anyone to share the carving with. Well... For a moment I was thinking about adding your mom's initial, but..." Richie trailed off, laughing to himself.

Eddie rolled his eyes, "That's so old, man."

"Yeah. I know." Richie still chuckled.

Eddie came a little closer, getting a better look at the initial.

_**R +**_

Damn. Jokes aside, he kinda felt bad how Richie went all these years, once hoping to be one of those many lucky people that shared moments with their other half.

"So. Uh. Why are you showing me this now?" Eddie asked, the sudden thought bringing him on edge.

Richie turned to him, a look filled with so much emotion he'd never seen before.

"Well. I'm no good at eulogies, but... Since that... Dream, that I swear felt so fucking real. I realized that my life was literally nothing without you. I mean... Yeah we parted ways and never talked to each other again for 27 years, but... Having you here, with me, I never really thought I cared about you so much. Then... Then you died... right in fucking front of me...-" He had broken off his speech there, the memory bringing back heartache.

Eddie had since fully closed the distance, wrapping his arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace.

He never realized how broken down Richie felt until now. He didn't understand how and why he was so desperately happy to see him when he woke up.

Now. Now he knew.

For a smart-ass, annoying trash-mouth, he never thought he'd see this side of Richie.

"I'm sorry." Richie mumbled into his shoulder.

"It's okay. I got you. I'm here, and I'll never leave." Eddie sighed.

The moment seemed to have lasted minutes before Richie managed to gain composure.

"Well, this didn't go exactly how I had planned. Mainly, what I'm trying to say... or... _ask, _is if I could add your initial there. You know, next to mine." He managed awkwardly.

Eddie felt his heart leap around in his chest.

Was he hearing him right, or was he the one who was dreaming?

Here, his old childhood friend stood, practically taking all the words right out of his mouth, words that _he _couldn't even find the courage to say. Because he didn't think Richie would ever see him the way Eddie did.

Now... Now he had his answer.

"Yeah. I know. It's stupid. You should really just have you and your... what's her face's name on this bridge. I don't know what I was thinking." Richie finally spoke up after the endless amount of silence.

That's what he got for trying to open up.

"No. Wait a minute." Eddie grabbed onto his arm.

Another round of silence when their eyes met.

"Did you really mean all that? I mean... _really _mean it?" Eddie finally asked, he needed to confirm he wasn't just hearing things, or seeing things.

"Well, yeah. But... If you don't feel that way, we can just forget-"

"_No." _Eddie broke him off sharply, "No. Not after all that. I mean... Do you know how long I've kept that same exact speech in?"

"You-" Richie was still trying to gather what was going on. he semi wasn't expecting this to turn out at all.

"Yeah. You." Eddie nodded, a smile forming on his face.

Silence overcame them again.

They held each other close, their foreheads touching.

This time, Eddie made the first move, carefully pressing his lips against Richie's.

It remained that way for a few seconds, neither seeming to know what to do next.

Finally, Richie returned the kiss, gently resting his hand against Eddie's cheek, minding the patch that remained there.

Their kiss remained calm and gentle, and went on for what seemed like hours.

Hours only turned out to be minutes when they finally pulled away.

They grinned at each other like a couple of fucking teenagers that just witnessed their first kiss.

Maybe it was...-

"So. You wanna put my name down or what?" Eddie said.

Richie pulled away slightly, looking deep in thought.

"I don't know. Between you and your mom, it's kinda a close-"

"Oh shut up dickhead. Not the fucking time." Eddie said, sounding scolding, but laughing at the same time.

Richie broke into laughter with him, all the while pulling out a knife from his pocket, before leaning down to meet the bridge's height.

He carefully traced over his own initial with the knife, making it more visible, before moving over to the plus sign, then finally moving to the empty space past the two symbols.

He carefully started carving the '_E' _into the wood, careful to make it as precise as the other two.

Once he finished, he wiped off any wood shreds, before standing back to admire the new names.

He felt Eddie's hand intertwine with his.

No words were spoken for a long time.

"So. What now?" Eddie asked.

Richie sighed, "Well. I already told the others I wouldn't leave... So. How 'bout we head back, stick around for a bit, then... get out of this god forsaken town?"

Eddie stared at him for a few seconds, before nodding, "Okay. I can deal with that."

"What about that incarnation of your mom you have back in New York?" Richie asked.

Eddie resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "I ended it. We weren't really... _together. _It was just her fantasy. Guess coming back here was a good excuse to leave."

"Wow. Never really thought you as a _'Ladies Man' _anyway." Richie said, smiling.

"Can we just go now? Before you make me change my mind." Eddie said, pulling Richie by the hand, heading back to the car.

"Whatever you say, Eddie Spaghetti." Richie said.

"And don't call me that." Eddie retorted as they got in the car and drove back to the hotel.

* * *

_**Whew... 5 hours to write the outline, and pretty much the rest of the day making the final...**_

_**I know the ending is a bit... sudden, but... I figured it'd be better than any. I didn't want to try to come up with more ideas that would drag the story away from the actual plot.**_

_**I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted. What did you think of the turn of events?**_

_**Read and review**_

_**~Wolflover235**_


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